Kissing Culture in France
- Andrew Wenger
- Jun 14
- 5 min read
Kissing in France is far more than just a romantic gesture — it's a complex and deeply embedded social custom that touches on everything from formality and friendship to language quirks and regional pride. To the outsider, it can seem baffling. How many kisses? Who initiates it? What words should you use? And what on earth does rouler une pelle (to roll a shovel) mean?
Let’s have a peek at the French pecks — linguistic, social, and cultural — from polite cheek kisses to the evolution of risqué verbs.
Kisses of Greeting: La Bise
The most iconic French greeting is undoubtedly la bise — the light kiss on each cheek exchanged between friends, family members, and sometimes even colleagues. It’s not a kiss in the romantic sense, but more akin to a handshake or a nod, depending on the context. In many parts of France, doing the bise is simply how people say hello and goodbye.
But beware — the rules are both fluid and regional. In Paris and much of the country, two kisses, one on each cheek, is standard. However, in Marseille and other parts of southern France, giving three kisses is the disturbingly unsymmetrical norm… and there are one or two isolated pockets of the Hexagon where it’s back to parity of cheeks, but twice on each! In Corsica, bafflingly, the number can rise to five. Even more bizarre is that in the western part of Brittany it tends to be just one kiss, which for most other natives must feel uncomfortably intimate.
To complicate matters further, the direction you start — left or right cheek first — varies by region. Mis-timing this can lead to an awkward near-miss or - quelle horreur! - an accidental kiss on the lips.
During the COVID pandemic, this ritual was interrupted. Social distancing put la bise on hold, prompting awkward little waves and hesitant elbow bumps. For a time, people even declared “la bise est morte” — the kissing greeting is dead. Yet like many French traditions, it has proven resilient. Today, it has returned, albeit more cautiously. It’s now common to ask, On fait la bise ? (Shall we kiss?) — a sign of the times, in that people are concerned about issues of both consent and hygiene!
As with many aspects of French culture, we non-natives are off the hook. If we get it wrong, it’s just another learner’s mistake, which should be seen as a building experience. French speakers themselves must sometimes do the wrong thing when they find themselves in an unfamiliar part of France, Belgium or Switzerland.
Language: Faire la bise, bisous, s’embrasser…
The French language is rich with vocabulary around kissing, each expression with its own nuance and register.
To begin, faire la bise is the standard expression for giving someone cheek kisses as a greeting. It’s used in all sorts of situations — formal or informal — and doesn’t necessarily reflect intimacy. In fact, in many workplaces, kissing your colleagues every morning is considered as normal as shaking hands. Whilst it may appear to the outsider to be a ubiquitous ritual, I would recommend cautiously waiting of the local to take the lead. It’s all very well and polite to go to kiss someone you know well, someone with whom you have already shared this level of cheek-intimacy before, but I would advise against, for example, leaning over the counter as you buy your baguette and croissants.
In more affectionate or playful contexts, you’ll hear bisous — the plural of le bisou, a diminutive and endearing word for a kiss. Friends might sign off a text or email with Gros bisous (“Big kisses”), and parents often say Fais-moi un bisou to their children. It’s warm, casual, and a far cry from anything romantic.
Then there’s s’embrasser, which means “to kiss each other.” This reflexive verb can be neutral — “Ils s’embrassent” might simply describe a couple kissing — but it often leans toward the romantic. Context, as always, matters.
But the jeopardy goes up a notch or two when we consider the word baiser. Historically, it was the go-to verb for “to kiss.” In 17th- and 18th-century literature, baiser la main (“to kiss the hand”) was the standard gentlemanly gesture. Today, however, the verb has undergone a linguistic fall from grace. In modern French, baiser as a verb is now a vulgar word for to have sex. However, as a noun, un baiser, it has retained its older, perfectly acceptable meaning – a kiss – and is still used poetically or formally, though it’s far less common in everyday speech.
So, while un baiser volé (a stolen kiss) may sound sweetly romantic, don’t ever say je veux te baiser — unless you’re very sure of what you’re getting yourself into.
I’m not sure whether there’s a specific term for missing the cheek and kissing the other person’s lips – either accidentally or on purpose - but I remember seeing a French game-show where exactly this happened. The phrase they used was at this moment of embarrassment was « Oups, un petit smack de travers ! » (“Oops, a crooked little peck”)
Rodin originally sculpted the couple as part of a larger work called "The Gates of Hell", based on Dante’s Inferno. The couple were Paolo and Francesca, two tragic lovers condemned to Hell for their affair. But their embrace was seen as too tender and romantic for the fiery torments of Hell, so Rodin spun them off into their own standalone piece.
French Kissing: Rolling Shovels and Youth Slang
What English speakers call a “French kiss” isn’t referred to as such in France. Instead, the delightfully graphic expression is “rouler une pelle” — literally, “to roll a shovel.” Another version is simply “une pelle” (a snog), and both terms are quite common in youth slang and pop culture. The image is amusingly vivid, and there's no ambiguity: Ils se roulent une pelle = “They’re going for it!”
Formality, Familiarity, and the link with Vous and Tu
It’s a common misconception that kissing on the cheeks implies a close, informal relationship. In France, that’s not necessarily true. You might still use vous with someone — a polite or formal pronoun — and still kiss them on the cheeks. Conversely, using tu (informal “you”) doesn’t guarantee you’ll exchange the bise.
Formality and physical closeness are not always aligned. A bise may be part of a very formal ritual (especially in work settings or among acquaintances), while a handshake might feel colder or more distant. Navigating this subtle code is part of the charm — and the confusion — of French social interaction.
In Summary
Kissing in France is a nuanced, regional, and sometimes hilarious affair. The vocabulary stretches from sweet (bisou) to sensual (s’embrasser), to crude (baiser), and the gestures themselves vary from one cheek kiss to five, depending on where you are. It's a world where a kiss can be as formal as a bow, as affectionate as a hug, or as loaded as a love letter — all depending on the context, tone, and verb you choose. Bonne chance !
Andrew Wenger, director and lead teacher of SameSky Languages.
We currently have places in most of our French groups (both online and in the wider Reading area), and although we are heading towards the end of this block of lessons, we would love to hear from you if you are interested in joining a group for September, or starting up a private class. As well as French, my colleagues and I offer a range of German and Spanish classes, and we are also set up to give Japanese, Italian, Mandarin, and English as a foreign language. Please contact me here if you would like to find out more.
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